Sunday, April 5, 2009

HUMAN BEANS-A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student."My father cooks beans," said another.Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

I thought I would start off with a joke to reduce the tension...I mean,ease things up a little.I think I get too serious sometimes and actually have to remind myself to'lighten&loosen up a little'.
Alright,so I was able to put in a couple of hours to study.But the truth remains that,whatever's still in my system causing this longer than usual sleep,isn't doing me any good.I don't feel like myself.And I really don't need this now.I can't afford to lay-back,my exams're close by.If I planned creating this blog now,then I'd be doing the right thing at the wrong time.But writing usually isn't something I plan.When I plan to write,it takes a lot more hardwork than when I just 'let it flow naturally'.and to think that I'd suddenly 'regain' my keeness and love for writing at this time?I ordinarily shouldn't be complaining as this is what I had been hoping for-to be able to write 'seriously'i had complained to anyone who cared to listen that I just lost the zest to write since I arrived SA.It was inexplainable 'cause I can't recall being in that situation as long as I can recall.I just didn't get enough inspiration to write like I used to and that felt really strange.And now,am in the middle of my studies with an examination a month away and I ccan't seem to keep my hands off the keyboards....ain't that something!

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoesmare truly endless"-Mother Teresa....May be because am sensitive,emotionally fragile and relatively considerate,I try to pick my expressions because I hate to think I'd hurt anyone deliberately with utterances I can't take back.So,in cases where I know am incapacitated,I try to choose comforting words in expressing myself and sincerely too-no faking here!I never stop to ruminate on High School,it was the period of my life that really left me with imprints,memories and the not-so memorables.A phase of my life that when i look back now,the woulda,shoulda,coulda...words would be inadequate to express.Since these thoughts are lumped together without much connection,I wander to College again.The news I've received of recent's been more about death than birth.And it's not just any death,but deaths of hale and hearty people like someone who just got married in good health but was gunned down,same day.There could be more than meets the eye,but it's worth some emotions all the same..wouldn't wish that on an open enemy.I just had to send words to these bereaved people as i can't be physically there to comfort them.when the words"I understand what you're going through" is used,I question myself about hat sentence because I don't think it's always true.I think what we normally meant to say is that,we understand it's normal for humans to cry for the loss of a loved one,because we would cry too.But we can't really feel what that bereaved feels during the moment of loss.Except of course,we have lost someone that dear to us too.

And what about this,"Time heals all wounds"?To be candid,am more confused about this statement than I undersatnd it because it's been given more than one interpretation.Am not going to try and disect the vers and adjectives in this one.But what i have been able to gather so far'bout this phrase's that,"you will soon begin to live a normal life again".Correct me if am wrong.But from ink and paper or words now to reality,some people 'never' really get over their losses.As simple as the words sound,some people just cut themselves off certain activities especially if the deceased's a spouse.Parents who loses a child sometimes end up going for counselling because it's a very traumatic experience.No parents wishes to bury their child,but it does happen,an inevitable fact of life.So,when it comes to death,there are no"barriers".Age becaomes an ordinary figure,innocence is not a factor and being a criminal doesn't even count.We just keep asking questions we don't get answers for,weep,sob,cry,shout yell at someone,blame anyone we wish and then say life is cruel and unfair.But the unchanging fact is,it is a circle of life that must be completed,not by our own dictates,whims or caprice.It happens and life goes on!
The fear I anticipate internally is what would happen to me if I fall in these people's shoes.I often tell myself that perhaps,am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.That I may handle it better than I think.But I sometimes doubt my strenght because am quite emotional and often shed a few tears when no one's looking over something that could be considered 'trivial'.Well,they say crying can be therapeutic too,so I guess it helps to reminisce sometimes and ponder over things that'd make us appreciate life better.I remember the last time I "really cried" for losing anyone.It was eight years ago,while still at College.It was my first year and I didn't even know this person except that we were colleagues.So what made this case different?

It reminds me again of my peple's saying that God created us(humans) in double images.Well,I used to agree witht hat saying until I found out had more than one 'look-alike'.So,we must have been created doubly,thripply or more than.Some people may not know when they see or meet their look-alike,but am definately not one of those people.I may even be the first person to point it out to friends that someone looks like me...I know it sounds funny though.So this young lad,was one of my look-alikes and I wasn't the only one who saw this resemblance.So much so that I was often confonted and asked if he was my kid brother...I mean,life can be sometimes humourous cos this young lad had a brother,an older blood brother in the College.And it was amazing how no one thought they looked alike until they're told these young men were siblings.And it was so that I grew fond of him and often tend to guide him when he needs some direction.We were half-coursemates too and most of my friends knew him through me.It was quite strange!And it just suddenly happened that he fell sick.I,who people would attest to not falling sick was down at the same time.But I knew I would be back on my feet again.I saw him,looking as cheerful as ever and trying to hide the fact that he needed medical attention but I told him still to go home and get treated.That was the last time I was going to see him.Flashing back now,it still brings tears to my eyes because his life was short-lived.He was just getting started.He didn't live to his eighteenth birthday.He would have been eighteen four months after,if he survived the illness.The news was already all over the school.I was away on weekend and was utterly shattered.I couldn't hold back the tears-I wept!I wept,saying his name and was glad I was able to because there was no amount of comforting anyone could give me at the time.Not letting me mourn my young dear friend would be unjust.And I remember him every year since that tragedy.Myself and some other coursemates paid our condolences to his folks.They were older than I had imagined they were and I wondered how difficult it must have been for them,to be alive to bury their teenage son.I recall the incident very well.I don't think I'll ever forget.What I try to do is accept the loss,not forget my little friend and look-alike!

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