Saturday, May 2, 2009

Hope Rekindled!

"No matter how crowded the sky may be with stars,I will always find myself among them;if I do not give up on life"!...Unknown

Am a nut for"quotes"..always have been.It's amazing how it suddenly became the"in-thing"and it makes me feel like I've joined the wagon.Everywhere I look these days,there's some quote somewhere.Well,I guess it's high time people realised the power"of words"....that's considering they don't just read but practice it.But I've always loved quotes,just not something I brag about though.I get inspired,motivated and enlivened by them.And I always wish they come in-handy when am gloomy.
Ok,since am counting down,I guess I need to mention that my exams're nine days away now.Boy am I nervous?Well,like I said,I wish those quotes could come in more"handy", because what I've been doing's going down memory lane,ruminating and reminiscing about my High School and College days.I really can't pin-point why my esteem's been 'low' about this Degree,but am thinking it could be because I've been studying alone.And am used to being amongst colleagues and friends.It hasn't been easy,but so far,,not so bad.So,when I want to read just for"reading sake",I quickly remind myself that am aiming for something 'high'.Something I know am capable of achieving, but haven't had since I've been in primary school....to be the"best that I can be" Like this saying goes,"Vividly picture yourself winning and that alone will contribute immeasurably to success.Great living starts with a picture,held in your imagination of what you would like to do or be"-Harry Emerson Forsdick.
Life happens when you're busy procrastinating.I don't want to make further excuses about not having adequate concentration,too many distractions,unsuitable environment,lack of study materials or references..and the list goes on..........prprprrprprprpr!!!Too many excuse never gets anyone anywhere...quote me!....

The mind travels to the farthest places we may not even witness in our lifetimes.It's absolutely incredible how "almost" real those imaginations can get.I mean,here I am as a naive and ignorant teenager,wishing to be a mother of six some day...and here today..in the reality ,am questioning that idea.Since infants can't remain babies for life,I can't just use the phrase"I love kids" without putting that clause of"not being able to tolerate toddlers".Perhaps,if my kids weren't "Hyperactive",the story would have been different.That's "Hyper" with a CAPITAL H!So,if these kids keep driving me almost insane, with their naturally endowed energy,I do not think I would be able to cope with another.Not now...I know it's going to be a very bumpy ride ahead.It's just so overwhelming and exhausting.It's taking so much energy from me i never stop wishing we were close to home..home being our birthplace and motherland.The system's favourable in that respect cos you can easily ask their uncles or aunts to take them for a walk or something.It's a popular saying in our society that,a woman only carries pregnancy alone,parenting's a collective responsibility of the community.It's not like being abroad or any of the developed nations where most people"mind their own business".Anyway,It would have been a lot of relief if we moved or went out more like we could if we were back home.That changes a lot of things as living in SA's not been a walk at the park.i do feel for the kids cos it feels like they're 'limited' in space at times.But that isn't my fault but one of the sacrifices and flaws of living in SA...little or no friends&definately'no family members'.But then again,we must count our blessings and be grateful for the little blessings.Enough of parenting fears and flaws...the best's yet to come,God willing!

I miss home,I miss my families,I miss my friends,I miss all the activities that make life balanced,I miss the people who inspires me,I miss my brethren who make it easy to bear a burden,I miss having the choice to eat what want as a 'picky eater',I miss the ability to express my thoughts and share it with friends,I miss the heartily laughter amongst my loved ones...I could just go on....I'll pause here for now to continue later,hopefully.

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