Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Behind this machine....

It's pretty bewildering what technology has done to humanity.Am seated on my plastic chair, behind this machine,unwell but able to transcend my thoughts beyond shores even my eyes are yet to see.Even though my thoughts can be read,or better,felt;it doesn't suffice to say everything we read online is as alright as it seems at the other end.My present situation reminds me what I usually think when I read an update about a newborn online.Being a mother myself,I need no magic ball to tell me what that's all about.Between changing diapers,feeding,doing laundry(manually or machine wash),sleepless nights and even having no time for yourself,I ask myself where the new mothers get the time to even announce the arrival of their bundles of joy.But they do,just like am doing now.Twenty-four hours ago,I was crawled up in bed,moaning in pain and wishing it could just disappear and I could feel like my energetic self again.I feel better now,but am not healed just yet.Despite my state of health,I am here now typing out my ordeal.
Hubby's away on a short trip and I wished I could just call him back yesterday.Two nights ago were the longest I've had in a while,,,(sleep deprivation's almost normal for me).It wouldn't have made much difference if I wasn't turning around the bed in agony.I even tried calling hubby by 3.a.m...How illogical one can be at times.I mean,he's not a physician,that I know.And he's thousands of miles away,so why call him?I guess I just wanted some empathy from the closest person to me who's also my companion.The reality of being in a foreign land hit me like a rock again,yesterday.I mean,I was almost tempted to call for help.And need I mention at this juncture that,whoever said women are'superb' because they multi-task is definately not being exergerative.Not that I had to be in a very tight situation to admit that though.It just made me appreciate myself better as a woman,a mother,wife,student and the rest of the portfolios I hold.Here I was,unable to even move or speak audibly.But I had to get the kids ready for school,give them breakfast,bathe them,brush the little one's teeth and get them dressed for school.All these I had to do,dragging myself and practically walking like a hunched oldie.But I had to do it and did it all the same.I even managed to drag myself to the office despite hubby's insistence that I stayed home.A decision I regretted after a few hours of being away from home.I was just looking forward to seeing the doctor;today.I had taken care of the most important part and asked that God heals me..afterall,the dcotors say'they care,God heals'.

Which brings me to what my day was like.I almost missed my appointment because of miscommunication.Since God is still on my side,I called ahead to confirm and was able to make it.I've often had to listen to some people,as a matter of fact,women are said to be pros at gossip.If being feminine makes me defendant of that accusation and see it as 'unfounded',I would be insincere and biased in my judgement.I am amazed I didn't take it 'personal' when the receptionist assumed the gentleman sitting next to me and also waiitng to see a Doctor,who is a complete stranger was'my boyfriend'.This was supposedly an"assumption" because she probably was busy watching every seated patient under her microscopic eyes,to notice who's getting along with who.What did I say about"assumptions","presumptions".insinuations" and the rest of the synonyms,getting some sorry butts into trouble?I later remembered what could have happened if I was quick to anger or simply a snob?To think that wasn't enough,this nosey-poker garnered the courage to ask me this question,confrontational style.Then I realised she "assumed" we were together when she wrongly asked him to to fill"my form" rather than call me....How more stupid could a receptionist get?In a Medical institution where people don't go for picnics or clubbing,meeting a stranger within few minutes,having harmless conversations about'why' you had to be in a health facility,who compelled you to come and how cliched it is to say"fine thank you" returning a greeting,when you're actually"not fine".How does that sound like a pick-up line for unintending companions,both married and clearly not emotionally attracted to each other?I ran these thoughts through my head not while still there,but after I had already left.I even thought to myself that,I probably shouldn't have been all nice and accepting of her unfounded and very silly insinuations.It was an insult and intrusive too.I know she could land into trouble if I had to report her to the authorities for not minding her job but other people's business.Then I realised it would be a waste of my time and breathe.I reminded her what I'd written on my form"married".Recalling the scenario now makes me irritated,but why on earth should I be suprised?After being in this country for a couple of years and a little over,I have come to realise'moral' is not their choice word.A morally decadent society such as theirs where women are more possessive and obsessive of their partners because of insecurities?What would one expect? I mean,these people have got no 'shame' and don't care a hoot who's whatever is gored.Enough about some busy-body..something tells me she's going to get her match in someone else for defamation of character...or even worse.
So,am glad I feel better this night and hope tomorrow'd be better.I even took time to write my'dying wish' yesterday in-between the crunches and groans like a woman in labour.But it was far short of what I'd have loved to really consider as my 'dying wish note' because I was only able to write for my husband and my two kids.My families include my friends.The friends that have helped me through some difficult times in the past and to whom I'd forever be grateful,may be even indebted in a way.And it crossed my mind that some people didn't have to be as sick as I was to just give up the ghost.And I at one point told myself that'this is it'..this is how it happens after someone passes away and you hear comments like,"oh! I saw her this morning,and she seemed alright'."She mentioned that she wasn't feeling well,but I never thought it was something that serious".....and the condolences comes rushing in.And I remember saying to my husband on the phone,"what if I die before you get back"?That might sound rather uncanny or emotionless..but am the one saying it,accepting possibility,but unwilling to die of course.I was only reminding myself these things happen.We read and hear about it all the time.These are normal people like everyone else who don't see it coming.Two hundred and twenty-eight people just lost their lives in a plane crash..they didn't see it coming.That could have been anyone..my husband's flying too.The relations are coming to terms with reality,that they may not see their loved ones again.None of them went on that plane to die.So,why deny the inevitable?Only God knows the hour.I might just have to finish that note and include the rest of the people I want to express my gratitude to.God help us!
Signing off.....!!!

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