Jammed thoughts....

I just had to break the jinx this morning before I get down to serious jacking,as my people will call it.It's almost at freezing point outside,even wehn we're near spring...God help us!My hands were so cold this morning I couldn't feel any blood flowing.I tried warming it up in my pockets,but even the winter suit couldn't hold that much.I had to boil some water using the electric kettle because I didn't put on the geyser last night--saving energy.That's me for you!And I poured some into my kids' plastic cups-one for each and soaked my two palms in...It wasn't soothing.That contact is definately not a good one...I mean,it's like ice falling into a water at boiling point.But I had to bear it..I still do not have a description for that feeling.But it definately wasn't fun.I had to,I just had to put the clothes on the line and it just reminded me that there're no basements in SA.I remember winter period in England.We dried some of the clothings indoor while the most of it was taken down to the basement.Alright...it's going to be a very chilly day.Yesterday was quite windy and I suspected we'd still have something more of it.The previous week was deceptive.But I didn't fall for it because this is South Africa',the land of unpredicatble weather-forget the forecast!But in all,I still prefer it chilly or windy-so long I don't fall sick,than the scorching,burning and unfriendly summer heat.I know 'these people' are dying to go skinny dipping or whatever it is they do in summer-walk half-naked?Anyway,I prefer it cold because it's good and better for my skin.And I also won't have to go bunkers chasing the flies.They've been showing up lately.I think they're warming up for summer before they bombard me.And here I was thinking we only have so much flies in my part of Africa because my people aren't the cleanest you come across.Anyway,enough talk'bout flies.I had something more serious on my mind when I logged in.Which was why I titled it'jammed thoughts'.

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged.The most interesting was me thinking I was ready to carry another child now.Well,besides the financial implications,the psychological and traumatic effect of the last birth are still very fresh in my head and mind.But this is me,everything is a miracle,nothing is a miracle! I can handle it and would have handled it however the difficulties.But that's over with now.
I have taken that leap of faith and sent forth my poems for'evaluation'.I have sent a score collection of them in all to a publishing firm.I didn't really plan on doing it,but I did it.I have to start doing the walk and not just the talking.I have talked about how I want to stop procrastinating and this is the time to act on that statement.That was why I decided I wasn't going to wait until I wrote fifty or try to "perfect" the ones I had written for over a decade now-sounds like a lifetime ago!I know I have entered some of them in Poetry contests,but it's not consoling enough .And that doesn't mean I should keep writing them for'keeps' in my notebook,where it doesn't get read except my 'me'.So,it's one down,about three or four more to go.That would be the Non-fiction and something like a memoir.The Religious angle of women and how their rights are protected in Islam(I would so love writing this book because it's a subject am very passionate about).And then the Children's book that I haven't really discussed with anyone yet.I hope to write on moral lessons for children of a particular age-haven't decided what age group it would be yet.But I will figure it out.The future of course would now determine my'autobiography'-if I live long enough to do it.Otherwise,someone else would have to write my Biography.I just hope it would be what I would have loved to'read' or approve of.But that doesn't even bother me now.Time will tell,God spare our lives.

In a couple of days'time,we will commence fasting,God willing and am so looking forward to it.It's a period of the year that makes me reminisce so much on the times we spent attending programmes,lectures and so much more at this season of the year.Of course residents and some fortunate foreigners in this country,who live amongst fellow Muslims,still enjoy all these privileges,but I don't!I call it a privilege because we're in a multi-cultural , multi-racial,multi-religious environment.Everything here is'multi'-which means complexity,not"the more,the merrier"! But we'd have to just practice and do what we can with the situation.I don't want to sweat over it because there's nothing I can do to change the situation.It is what it is.But I will never mince words in saying I miss home,terribly this time.I particularly miss my friends at this period.I remember how it was while we were still at College,hoping that we don't just slump and collapse in the heat,while running back'n'forth lecture rooms.But we survived it,however hectic it was.I mean,it was a period everyone would be sober and then be identified with their faith.Some people would not even tell anyone they were muslims.But there's something about Ramadan that juts touches people and make them 'different',however temporarily.They adjust and even if for some reasons someone isn't fasting,they don't flunt it.The christian faithfuls are aware of this religious practice like we are of Esther and Chritsmas.They would even hold us to ransom if we did not invite them after the fasting is over-the feasting!
Well,I guess I'd just have to relish on those days and wish that it gets better in the future for the sake of my kids who seem to be missing out on so much-their mother tongue,culture,religion,peer-plays and the rest.For their sakes,I fervently pray and hope it gets better with time because we can't give them back those years.

I'm exploring my options now,even though the timing may not be exactly right since am preparing for exams and still have assignments to submit.But I have finally decided to see what I can do if I get the chance.I'm seeking an avenue to do'voice over'.I've been doing so many things for fun and for charity,but this time around,am in for the'bucks'.With the Poetry publication and the job quest',it's all about the benjamins!!!And am not giving in,not a chance!If one door closes,then another one opens.I'll keep looking till I find some door to open and get me out there doing something before I become a BA.Com,by God's grace.I'll be asking God for that special favour during this month of Ramadan.Am tired of waiting in limbo.It's about time I did something about the goals I've set for mysel.The ball's in my court now,and am not giving in to rejection.Am going to become Abraham Lincoln now,in my head!

Signing off..!