Thursday, August 27, 2009

There's room for everyone.....

Love is a predominant theme,in poetry,drama,soapies,movies,novels and the list goes on.I have often wondered aboutt he effect of this magical,misconstrued and sometimes controversial word.Yes,'controversial' because in some people's dictionary it may intereprete something else.What somebody calls love might mean absolute stupidity in another's book of translation.We genrally hear of phrases like"Love is kind,love is gentle,love is giving,love does not judge nor condemn...."At the same times,"love hurts"..now how about that???But thank heavens that love cannot be quantified or measured in yards.It can be measured in principles however.You can ask someone"how much do you love me"???Andthe reply could sound something like"enough to die for you" or "enough to tell you the truth".But the love for or of what is what the question should really be.The love of money.The love of life.The love for wealth.The love for fame.The love for family,families,friends.Whatever or whomever we choose to love,there's always room for everyone and anyone.The heart may be a small organ imbedded in our chests,but there's room in it for whatever we choose to love.

Parenting is a lifelong duty and responsibility for those who value that title,not those who father or mother children and shy away from their responsibility,be it emotionallyor financially.We bear children,fend for them,rare them,watch them grow up to become independent individuals.But it never stops us from worrying about their wellbeing.We worry,that's what parents do,even when they've become parents themselves,we still worry about them.I know I have some habits that I wouldn't want my kids to inherit from me(what if it's in the genes?).But the fact is,whether they emulate or immitate me,they'll form their own habits or even pick some along as they grow.My son twists his mouth to oneside when he's talking and I wonder how that makes him feel.I definately do not do this and have been on his case trying to make him stop.He hasn't been listening but something I told him recently made him sober.I told him he won't look as cute and fine as he is if he keeps doing that because,if he doesn't stop now,he wouldn't be able to stop later.This poor boy has no idea he wouldn't get attention by making funny faces like that.He's an attention-seeking child and am learning to deal with him calmly because he drives me to the walls when he whinges.But what can I do,afterall he's my son.They think parents know it all,but we also learn from them.I am learning to be more patient because of his overtly sensitive nature(look who's talking).I have been continually remindng him to be strong and not appear as a weakling because I won't be there to defend him when he's been bullied at school.Poor thing-there're times to display your masculinity.I look at him at times and wonder if him taking so much after me is a good thing or something to worry about.I am a woman,who also looks meek but tougher than my apperance (inwardly,I mean).I cannot remember anyone daring to bully me right from my elementary school days.I always gave the boys a run for their money.They never dared me.But I have to listen to my son tell me different stories each week of how a boy pushed or shoved him,collected something from him forcefully and even ruffle him up.I ask him to go straight to the teacher to report because I do not want to teach him'violence',He tells me someone in his class is cursing him and that he cursed him back.I tell him not to do that then he asks,"what must I do"?That's the question my son asks me a lot of late.I have now realised that,it's either the teachers are having a handful of kids and do not have the strength to scold every kid each time they bully the weaker ones,or they are ngeligent of the effects of such attitudes.My poor boy's torn between two worlds-his teacher's and mine.Mommy says"don't curce,don't fight".Teacher says"smack him back,hit him back,curse him back".Confused little fellow!But I know where to draw the line.I just don't want him to be bullied so much to as to lose his self confidence.That'd be detrimental and counter-productive.The reason he's in Creche is for psychological,mental and for social development.They do not have kids or even anyone at that to play with (besdies me and their dad) when they are home.So far,the school's the only place of'external interaction' and we can't deny them of that.I on the other hand is way not equipped to be a home-teacher.It ain't gonna happen!!!

In talking of legacies,values and being role models for our offsprings.I am also retrospecting and wondering if not growing up with either of my folks contributed to the values I hold dearly or not.I found out only in my mid-twenties that I was so much like my father in several ways.I had inherited some of his remarkable genes and am so proud of that.But am not as patient as he is-wish i were though!I have also learnt from him that I might have got my headiness from my mother.More like,'got it from her actually'.So I was now thinking of how the title'mom/mommy' never really sank or effected on me in the last five years.In the African context,the woman that bore you from her womb isn't the only one deserving of that title.Where do I want to begin from?You're inclined to call your aunts'mommy',your uncles'dadddy',your mother-in-law,mommy,your father-in-law,'daddy'....You even call your neighbours brothers,needless to say your cousins.It goes further,you call an older man in the neighbourhood,'daddy' and same goes for an older woman.Again,your friends'folks automatically are referred to as'mommy' and'daddy'.This has always been the practice.I look at my kids and I really feel for them.It gets confusing sometimes and I wish I could make it easier for them.But I didn't create that tradition.All I know is,as they grow older,they will begin to understand that,grandpas and grandmas of their parents aren't the only one culture and custom gives such privilege to.
I cannot recall the number of people I grew up calling 'mommy' and still call mommy.Ironically,I haven't even called my own mother 'mommy'.It's a good thing the kids're still quite young now and they've not started asking questions'cause I know the time would come.They would eventually realise they can see their father's folks,and ask where mine are.When I get to that bridge,I will cross it,God willing!
My eyes're hurting,head aching and there's no one to 'chat with'(as in "talking")....!!!It would have helped because am completely useless when am in this state.....no reading......no thinking or worrying.Yet,I can't take a nap!!!!Lord help me!

1 comment:

  1. hey sister.....you know your kids are very lucky to have a mom like you and im sure when they will grow up , u will be proud looking at their achievements. To be a mom is not an easy task but i know you gona do it. Im with you and Insha Allah you will reach your destination

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