I feel light-headed(de-saturated my brain) today than I have felt in the last couple of weeks.I had been spending time doing'deep thoughts'.'Nostalgic,confussion,indecision,tiredness and everything all wrapped together got me doing too much thiniking.Thoughts which I must admit did me some good.I admit they say am'weird' in the family because of certain unusual things I do.But I think it suits me just fine.
Talk of "self-discovery" at thirty.Well,it's even better am doing that now and not later...."Better late than never,goes the saying"!I discovered I could'read all day' without a migraine . .That was what saw me through the'very deep Biology' I got as my welcome package in Psychology....
Subhannallah!I almost screamed'what did I get myself into"?So far,I can't say it's got to the fun part yet.But having gone through the Course Modules,there are more interesting things to Psychology than the Synapses,neurotransmitters,somatic and the 'not-so' somatic expandable tree structures,flow chart ( and I thought that ended with High School Mathematics..How mistaken!Rescue me Ya Allah!
Ok,it's not so bad afterall.I mean,I did my assignments ALL BY MYSELF!Isn't that something!To be candid,I never thought I would get around it because the whole study materials as they are called didn't make any'sense' to me.I had to read it over and over again.And it's still not over yet.The easy part is the next Assignment.It's just about"Evaluation of personality'.I so love those quizes/questions.I can't recall how many of those I had taken on the Internet.I love taking those self-examination tests.
I have taken the IQ Test before and what I recall amongst all others is that-I was graded to be good in Abstract Reasoning.Abstract???Little wonder they call me a weirdo!.
English Langage Test,Friendship Tests...too many of them.
It was the measure I explored in my 'self-discovery' quest and the regain of my 'self-esteeem'.I had too many questions on my mind and needed honest answers,particularly from someone who doesn't know me as a family member.
So,it really helped and I always write out my 'Results'.I even took some in the Magazines I buy.
I have never stopped wishing I could get Islamic Literatures the way Iget the Magazines.I mean,they are sold in grocery stores and I can just buy everything together without hubby crying 'over-budget' and 'priorities'.I mean,I wouldn't even have to ask for money to get them.Oh!I so miss my Islamic Literatures.I have realised it was another hindrance to my writing.I can't do all my research on the Internet.Let's just summarise that by saying that am 'conservative' and still prefer to read"books" anytime,anywhere.I am not just the type that would stay glued to the Screen (TV inclusive all) day.It would tire mye eyes!I still have passion for books and I d not think even technology can change that!!!!Yeah,I know.Am from the old school hence,old fashioned!!!
Ok,since hubby wanted a shortcut to this 'eye test thing',I think I better wait till he is capable of taking me for one.Too bad Government hospitals don't offer the service.I don't just want to wear some 'reading glasses'.These eyes need to be tested!!!
Ya rabbi!It's almost half past one&it feels like the kids have only been gone for a couple of hours.How time flies when you're having fun....I have done the task that would require my 'uninterupted attention-Tranferring my assignment to the Computer Sheet.
It took me back in time studying for Entrance Examinations.Good those days are gone....
I doubt I'd be able to keep this Journal to my satisfaction now that am getting close to being nervous.The lil' troubles're coming home.I'd have to go fetch them in about 45mins time or thereabout.Glad I did my washing yesterday.How relieved that makes me feel!
Ok,so as Allah would have it,we finally got a reliable(so far) hardworking young man from our own native country to work in the Guest House.He replaced the lazy butt Zim' guy-no pun intended here!I can see my husband is happy.I felt for him (and angry at him too) while he was spending all those long hours at office and still come home to a sleepless night of attending to guests.Subhannallah!Those weekends were just beyond me...one of the reasons I was really mad.I couldn't care less if we needed the money.I needed my sleep and sanity too.The fact that am almost a sufferer of insomnia didn't help as I'd lay awake for almost the entire night after my sleep had been interupted with the seemingly undending phone calls of enquiries.
The lad's from our tribe and that makes things easier because we can communicate in other language besides English.And in my own way (I do this with those who have worked here before too),I have adopted the'motivation booster' of giving him a meal at least everyday (so far).In all honesty,he needs no reminding because he happens to know what to do without being told.He's very hardworking.But I still have to ensure they (the young girl&cleaner) do their jobs well.It's not like the money comes in regularly,but they still get paid at the end of the week.But it pays for our conveniency.Even some of the guests said I needed a break!At least,someone knows am trying!
Every Friday and Sunday still bring back the memories of the good old days.I am not giving up on this Islamic gathering idea.I have to find a way to get through hubby to find out where these programmes are held.Well,at least,I hope women are allowed this time around!!!
The last one year has been the most redundant I can recall in my entire existence.I mean,as a child,I was hawking nuts, potassium (instead of being in school).And when I eventually commenced Primary School,it made a difference.In Junior High,I was attending Arabic classes by night.In Senior High,I was attending so many Islamic programmes,serving my 'colonial master' of an uncle during the weekends.After High School,I got myself a job( i needed that for sustenance)&learnt Computing.The knowledge I still use till date as the job afforded me that opportunity being a Computer training&Tutorial School (little did I know I was going to be a Teacher back then).So,after four years,I finally went to College,trained as an Islamic&Political Science Teacher.Another (good & ugly old days).The ugly part was in the poor accomodation that wasn't provided for Students.No Hostels.Well,I survived,as always and I thank God for that!
Those were the days!I am still very happy I got that opportunity and would never regret I went to College.I made some of the best friends I've got there and my Islam was at its peak.How could you not be positively and spiritually influenced?There were programmes to attend throughout the week and it was just left to you to choose which to attend.It was well worth it.I enjoyed and loved that they made me part of the Editorial Board member of Committee on several events and so on.It helped me write more Poems as I had to submit them every week.
I leanrt more about Islam and felt so important and loved .After High School,that was the Second place I felt that good!I got an Award from the Political Science Department as an"Outstanding Student".It was a honour because I was the only one'sister from my Department who got that recognition.I guess it was because I made my presence felt.Let's just say,they saw a different side of Muslimahs they don't often get to see.They thought we were all about the Ijab especially as Islamic Studies Students.Even my grades were better in Political Science than they were in Islamic Studies and was fortunate not to have repeated my Courses.
At this stage in my life,Politics is about the last thing on my mind.I think it was just the environment that got me in that deep.
I now wish and pray that Allah grants me the resilience and wisdom to do justice to Psychology like I did in College.I did some sort of Introduction to Educational Psychology once in College (can't recall much of it now,won't lie).And I remember topping my class with 35 marks out of 40 for my Continuous Assessment.It was our First Year and my mates wondered how I got to perform that good.I don't know either....I studied and was favoured by Allah.
Ok,gatta go now.I knew I wouldn't be able to conclude the post.It's time to go get the kids from School.If I still feel like writing when I get back (more like talking to myself),I might just come back here.
Originally written on 27th March 2008....I changed my course from Psychology to study Communication Science,and that's what am studying currently!