REFLECTIONS by BiliMaffy

Who says flying ‘solo’ can’t be fun? Think again! It’s Christmas holiday and as usual, my neighbourhood has little or nothing to show for it. With hubby being away, me being pathetically helpless with driving, the kids and I are as good as stuck until hubby returns. I think we’re looking at nothing less than a week from today. God, help me! Alright, so I can’t have discussions with the kids, but they sure know how to ask tens of questions, the ones they already have answers to; and the ones they really need answers to. I’ve had some good laugh watching these School drama and a romantic comedy…The Perfect Holiday, Just My Luck and Sydney White. And showing now is “the Ultimate Gift (Local Channel). I had to choose between that and “Surviving Christmas” on another Local Channel. The kids have turned the bed in the guest room into their ‘jumping castle’. Can you blame them? This is really one of those times I wish I had learnt to drive…So now am doing what is not really appropriate. Seein

God, I don’t want to leave this world without fulfilling the mission you have in store for me. I’m so tired of saying I want to do something, I wished that I had the opportunity to do more and be more, I wished that things were different, that I want to be something big…I’m so tired and am almost losing hope. What would it take to move from where I am, to where I want to be? What would it take to really be relevant and part of something historical? I have tried to be open-minded and unbiased in my thoughts and assumptions. But it seems I won’t be able to do much where am at now. It’s limited my chances and choices. It hasn’t given me that room to explore more options and just do what I really want to do and be. It’s easy for one to be judged wrongly, especially if all you do is “talk about” what you wish to do, without an action to walk the talk. The 2010 CNN Heroes really inspired me and reminded me that I can still do something memorable. That perhaps, I shouldn’t be in a hurry to fu

Last two Fridays, ( December 10th) hubby asked to take me out. I knew he wasn’t joking because he seemed to be in a vey playful mood. And with him, talks like that don’t come often. I didn’t really act all excited because I’ve sort of adopted our recluse lifestyle without much complaints like I do in the past. So in his usual manner, he suggested we went to a Restaurant (this was more like a tradition for occasional family outings), I declined. If he wanted to take me out, he had to give room for my opinion or I throw that offer out of the window (I didn’t say this out loud for your info).Fortunately enough, he didn’t argue when I suggested that I’d rather go to the Movies because just eating wouldn’t make much difference for once in two years outing…don’t ask! I got a double-package instead. We had been at the office all day and were both hungry. This was a good thing as my low appetite doesn’t really sit down well with him. I end up bringing remnants of my dinner home; during family

Welcome to - “ The never-ending story of my life”! Okay, I did the unusual yesterday, I mean last night. I went to bed before 9.p.m. It was actually a few minutes past 8p.m.Hubby came in from the lounge and asked what was wrong. I replied that I was tired. I had decided to sleep earlier than I usually do because I need to get to the root of this sleepy feeling, every morning. I may not be able to diagnose anything, but I was going to try my unconventional method of elimination first. What happened as a result of that was being awoken by 2 a.m and not being able to go back to sleep, till now…It’s 1.15p.m now and am not getting any sleep until later at night…I will be just fine! Some days are better than others. They say when there's life there's still hope. And it is with these thoughts that I pray, not just 'hope' that my father returns home some day. What else can I say? When you're related, you're related. You don't change that fact just by denouncing it.

Once upon a girl who chases the unattainable, seeks that which cannot be held unto, racing against tides, trying relentlessly to elude destiny, questioning fate, cursing life for being brutal and utterly unfair. Yet, remaining faithful and hopeful, taking solace in her innermost and most private spirituality. Inspite of life’s numerous and seemingly endless disappointments, she holds on to her beliefs, values, morality, honesty, openness, loyalty and unconditional love. She believes no matter how unkind life might have been to you, you can love someone, love people; even though they don’t love you back in return. Her large-heartedness brought her aches and pains, subjected her to being taken advantage of, made her helplessly vulnerable; but she bore it all in strides, turned it around as a weapon of strength rather than weakness…A loving heart is not a vice, contrary to what the world may make it seem. Since when did being good become a bad thing? In the twists and turns of life, some

The move... I’m not shy to admit I had some reservations about Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think the fact that she’s not in your face everytime you see or hear about Hollywood, has something to do with my reservations. I always like to see what role she’d play and if she’s truly talented…You know? Not jus a pretty face thang! So it was with this mindset that I decided to see this late night movie…”IF ONLY”! It was interesting. That’s all I’ve got to say, see it to believe it. I loved the movie. It starred Jennifer, a British guy named Paul Nichols and an older British man, a familiar face, Tim Hopkins. What can I say? The movie was just interesting and I think I saw a little bit of myself in Jennifer, let’s just leave it at that! I remember I intended to compose a Poem, before this time last year. The South African Broadcasting corporation (SABC2) organised a contest and had different themes. One of the themes was HIV/AIDS. But I didn’t submit any entry. I hadn’t the space and time to com

The month has come to an end, and so is the year, approaching the end. I was in one of those moods today. The mood where I want nothing but a mere wishful thinking.  A fantasy of turning back the hands of time. It appears I have closed my mind to learning and accepting that, “what’s past is past, forward is the only way to go. I can look back but never try to turn back…that I need to move on”. I know this is undeniably true,  but I sometimes choose to remain in that twilight of wishes and daydreams…There is a difference in this pattern though…Paradoxical, huh? The difference is that I deliberately choose to go down that lane, flashbacks and memories of the good old days. It wasn’t like things were all smooth and interesting. But it was a period in my life that I would never forget, unless my memory is erased. I have been recalling the school drama, the school organized and in which I partook in commemoration of World AIDS DAY, fifteen years back! That sounds like a lifetime ago…Allia

Registration commenced today, and I was at UNISA, Sunnyside Campus; in Pretoria. Have I mentioned that the main Campus UNISA’s first and foremost building fascinates me, no matter how many times I see it; I look at it as if it were my first. It wasn’t as hectic as I had feared it would be. The first days are usually hectic. But today was quite different. The queues of course remains. But there were no prospective learners roaming around or confused about where to go. The green horns followed the tradition though. I almost laughed when I heard a lady recounting her ordeal. How she had queued on the wrong line, and was eventually re-directed to where she was supposed to be….been there, done that, learnt my lesson! Good thing I can laugh over it now. It was pretty annoying back then and the crowd was overwhelming. Since UNISA is an institution of learning, I won’t be surprised if they have joined the campaign against polluting the environment. Hence, the reason they have gone stringent an

I have been working on compiling my Poems…yeah,I know, ”same ol’song”! I did that before, but this time is different. The difference in this is that I’ve re-activated my profiles from my old Online Poetry membership. Some require payment for upgrade, but I think I’d just make-do with the regular membership for now. In all honesty, I would upgrade and improve my chances of finding a reliable publishing company/contract. I don’t want to keep doing everything together and stopping half-way. Okay, i don't want to jinx it, but so far, I have written a few more and the total as of this moment is thirty...Yes, three-zero...30 Poems at hand. Now I do not know how much is enough. I have no idea how many I'm required to have compiled before I consider a publication. I have decided to make it a duty to do something about the compilation, everyday. By God's grace, I will endeavour to keep this up. Afterall, I need no internet connection for that. But I've also realised that checkin

Eureka! I sing! by Bilikis Morenike Fagbemi Lulu Poetry

It’s becoming a routine that every year, Eid would seem like ‘an ordinary day. The few exceptions are the people and the Sheep..I think it would remain “people” as the only exception because we now slaughter Lamb on any other day. As if that was not enough, I had to deal with hubby saying we were no longer going to the office (I had plans, you know)!In the first place, we were not supposed to be at the office today. But since Islamic holidays are not observed here, the kids had to go to school. We decided they would be home tomorrow;since Eid will be observed here tomorrow and not today. So when we eventually agreed that I go to the mall to get the items that would be needed for the cooking tomorrow, I was told to hike…Hike?Hike from the mall to the office;with assistance from the young lad from office. How much torture do I need? Well, I went to the mall.And it was nothing I expected. I had not imagined I would be waiting at the mall to be taken back home ,longer than I did shopping.

~~~~~BEAUTIFUL SAYINGS~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o    Success is the result of foresight and resolution, foresight depends upon deep thinking and planning, and the most important factor of planning is to keep your secrets to yourself. • Hearts of people are like wild birds, they attach themselves to those who love and train them. • Only He can forgive who has power to punish. • If you help a deserving person without his request then it is generosity and if you help him after his request then mostly it is due to shyness to your refusal or fear of reproach. • There is no greater wealth than wisdom, no greater poverty than ignorance, no greater heritage than culture and no greater helpmate than consultation. • Wealth converts every foreign country into your native place, and poverty turns your native place into a strange land. • Contentment is the capital which will never come to an end. • Wealth is the fountainhead of inordinate cravings. • Whoever warns you against si

I should be in bed, not because it’s late; but because am kind of sleepy . And mainly because I haven’t been sleeping well. Sometimes, I wonder if I won’t opt to stay awake, had nature given me an alternative. It seems I prefer to stay awake, than to eat or sleep. Anyway, I think my migraine finally subsiding was a relief. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. So much that I may have shared with someone that would care to listen. I try to live each day as if I’ve put all these ravaging thoughts behind me, but I haven’t. I haven’t dealt with my granny’s passing away, with not knowing my father’s whereabouts, with not knowing how my siblings are doing; being scattered between Nigeria and Ghana. I’m worried-sick, disturbed and highly perturbed about the way my families are just scattered all over, without been able to contact anyone of them. I’ve not been told by anyone that they have heard from my father or my younger ones..…I think I better go to bed now. Sleep will eventually come. Staying

Do not wait till tomorrow, what you can do today Often times we hear the saying, “Life is too short”… Same old song, we say and then dismiss it, If only we could take a pause to ponder, Why this saying ? I think reality hits us, When someone we knew or a loved one pass on, Yet we need not wait till this happens, For every minute of every hour and every day, New lives are brought into the world… So while some rejoice in cheerfulness and excitement, Some mourn in anguish for an irreparable loss, So why wait till you lose someone, Before truly realizing that life is indeed short? Let’s make the best use of the time that is now… Be good, do good, be kind, be considerate, be thankful for little blessings, Thank God and say “Thank you” to someone today… I just did!

more to come later.... How about this one?

  I finally got my very own laptop today. Alliamdulillah, it’s long overdue! I had resigned to fate and wasn’t keen about it anylonger. But of course, am excited about it, like anyone else would. Although, my day was alright, but the evening wasn’t pleasant and I will be going to bed in that manner. I sure do not feel like talking now. Besides, who would I be chatting with? The kids are off to bed now, and am clearly not in the mood for any chit-chat with hubby this night. I think this is a very good time to sleep. It’s coming naturally….Early to bed………………..fill in the gap! Nightly night! That post was from Tuesday. Between then and now, my husband’s phones (had been stolen, I completed the training brochure I was working on yesterday, thankfully. Alliamdulillah, and we have reclaimed hubby’s Blackberry; for the second time in eight months. God help us! Editing is something I enjoy doing, I haven’t really given it much thought until now. It’s always been part of me. Am not the best Eng

If only I can capture the blissful breeze blowing outside now. Besides the rain, a weather like this calms me and gives me the tranquility that doesn’t come often. Hmmm! “What do I know about men”? That was the question hubby asked me as we were in the middle of a matter that concerned a third party. What a question! I may not have been around for long, but I sure have been around long enough to know a thing or two about men. They are first and foremost egocentric beings. No apologies there, just stating the fact. I don’t think I've got the feel I need to write about that subject now. When I eventually do, it won’t be an essay…..it would be a ‘book’! So I have been trying to re-ignite my passions. I honestly don’t know where to begin, but I’m going to figure it out soon, God willing. I have heard the saying” Jack of all master of none” for as long as I can remember. But I think there may be an exception to that statement. Besides, I think what you do matters. If it’s a completely

I read something on the TV in the early hours of today. I was wide awake after tossing on the bed for too long. So I decided to see what was on TV and had the privilege of seeing the intro of SABC International News. They must have a word for that in the Media vocabulary, but I don’t know what it’s called. Anyway, the words were displayed in singles and it asked: “Why are people in Politics? Is it for War, People, and so on like that. As a former political science student and an averagely political-minded person, that caught my attention. Of course I had tossed burning questions like that in my head several times, more than I can recall. It’s just a waste of energy because the response is staring me right in the face….Majority of politicians venture into politics for selfish reasons. Simple! Otherwise, how do you explain the pathetic state of anarchy in some countries? How do you explain the sorry situation of the country where the citizens are lavishing in poverty and the polit

My daughter at five weeks or thereabout. Above:My dear Uncle and my daughter. Below:My cousin with my daughter and my late granny! My kids! Dad and his grandkids Above....Four generations,my late granny.dad.daughter and grandkids. Below from left....Mother-in-law,hubby&a family member!

I was out all day yesterday. When I say” the whole day, I mean THE BETTER PART OF THE DAY”! I was a tourist guide”. I had to take out guests (couples) on a tour of our popular Festival Mall at Kempton Park . They are here for a management training, and are lodged in our B&B.I had no idea I would be doing so much walking. Else, I would have worn something more comfy’. My toes were seriously complaining, killing me softly. I eventually ended up walking without shoes (I had socks on though). Even if I hadn’t, I couldn’t care less! I just had to get those shoes off my sore feet. I had never taken anyone shopping for ten hours!Please don’t ask, I was on duty! After all that, I still had to return home to be a mother and a wife. I had to cook and make dinner for everyone.And that I did! I had been on some medication and it came in handy.I doubt I would have stood for another hour if I hadn't take the meds. So, I went to bed early, with the intention of commencing my six-Shawwal fast

It’s 9.35 am . Am at the office and I am supposed to be working .But I think I’d need some inspiration before I can proceed. My son, only son and first child clocked seven on the 1 st of September. It was almost surreal, to think that, the tiny little baby that was a part of me seven years back; is now old enough to ask me questions, tell me what he wants, refuse when he doesn’t want, and even throw tantrums when he chooses to be silly! What can I say? That’s what we prayed for right? That our child grows up healthy and be responsible, but most of all, be God-fearing! I need no crystal ball to remind me that child bearing and child bearing are totally different. It’s as easy as saying that anyone can have a child, even though not everyone does. But anyone cannot raise a child. It takes a lot of sacrifice, tolerance, perseverance, patience and commitment to raise a child. I want to believe that I didn’t turn out so bad myself. Thank God for that! I still anticipate the fear and anxiety

What’s the latest? Alright, we finally fenced-off the uncontrollable dogs, defeacating on the lawns and jumping on our old short fence. Somehow, haven’t been able to ‘enjoy’ that privacy because it’s chilly outside and I’d have to wait until summer...which is close by. So it’s not going to be a long wait. So registration is closed for this session and I can’t say I’ve got plenty of time on my hands. My sewing machine needs to be serviced; I wonder what happened to it. That means-“no sewing”! I got tired of studying and brainstorming for an exam that has not been fixed for a particular date. Am sure I won’t be able to recall the chapters I had read and the images I had tried to stick in my head (call it cramming) ahead my driving theory exams. I’m still trying top figure out how the systems works in that department. That I could be sent to another province to write the 100 question long MCQ still amazes me. I thought things were supposed to be easier here, being a developed nation. Anyw

AM I STILL IDLE? I remember clearly how I repeatedly kept saying “I had a life to return to” (I still do) and that “I just needed to get out of that place ( Nigeria that is). I actually wasn’t desperate. But I was more disturbed about the fact that remaining in Lagos was costing us much more than we had bargained for. The first couple of weeks I must admit were almost unbearable. After the fourth week, I refused to be frustrated and accepted the situation as my’fate’.What else could I have possibly done? The situation got worrisome when people (families and friends) assumed we had left only to learn we were still around. I think I probably would have handled it better, were it not for those comments. Albright’s this last trip wasn’t “holiday” as planned. It was an eventful one that’s left me with an experience of a lifetime...if you may. From the beginning till the end of the entire ordeal, there were lessons I was meant to learn, experiences I had been destined to pass through, the

Anxiety, anticipation and uncertainty is a bubble buster! The news I got today when hubby arrived wasn’t what I had expected. Not that I raised my hope though. It just wasn’t what I was hoping for.   I wish we hadn’t made this much preparation. Now we’ve got to keep taking groceries, clothes, and books from the luggage. That’s just an automatic‘re-packing’ afterwards. It gets a little messy too. Today, I felt like a real ‘full time’ housewife! I joggled my tasks and tried chatting with an old friend, alongside that…call it’multitasking’.Women are good at that. I had the apron on for one third of the day, cooking, cleaning and with the kids, driving me nuts. Can you blame them? The poor kids have really prepared to visit their relations, family friends and kids they’ve interacted and played with recently. Our flight was eventually cancelled and that didn’t come as a surprise. What would have been a surprise would be things going accordingly. Now we’re back to where we started. Taking a

"We can never live in the past as if it were our true home. And it is a good thing that God draws this veil over the past even without our asking. In so doing, He allows us to live today for tomorrow with just the few memories we need of what was"-   Karl Barth It’s easy to quote this saying, but difficult to adhere to. As much as I’m trying and willing to put the circumstances that led to the loss of my passport behind me, I can’t help but wonder “what really happened to it”. I have blamed myself for the loss. But that doesn’t make it any easier or less hurtful. I have now decided to accept it as the will of God. The uncertainty makes things more difficult too. The only option left was taking my passport (the new and ‘empty’ one) to home affairs, and having my ‘permit’ transferred. Finding a copy of the ‘Permit page’ wasn’t a walk at the park. It took a little brainstorming and am glad I came up with the solution. I have uttered less words regarding this unfortunate incident

It won’t be the first time I’d be wishing for something, either would this be the last…As humans, we always wish for one thing or the other. It’s human nature! I feel like am in a dream, having a terrible and horrific nightmare…God please wake me from my slumber if this is truly a bad dream… If this is a nightmare, I do not even want to close my eyes to sleep or slumber. I do not exactly have words to express how am really feeling right now. This is a disaster. I feel somewhat stupid, disappointed in myself, troubled, terribly disturbed and hopeless…Did I mention helpless too? Where do I begin from? How do I start explaining what I’ve got no slightest clue about? I haven’t had a real laugh in four days. No matter how much I try, I just can’t let this guilty feeling go away and forge ahead…My “Passport is missing”! I do not know how, where or when it happened. An unexpected visit from the SA immigration department brought this to my attention on Friday; at the office. There was no way I