Thursday, March 11, 2010

Running against time,again!

I didn't forget my husband's birthday in January, but I slipped on our Seventh year Anniversary (the unofficial year's actually twelve this Month) in February. I honestly wouldn't really want to be reminded it's my birthday tomorrow because, it feels like each time I have any reason to write down today's date; am reminded tomorrow's twelfth. It’ll soon be over and done with (nothing's happening by the way).I've never celebrated any birthday anniversary my entire life. Unless someone celebrated my birthday, on my behalf, without my consent and knowledge, and in absentia.Anyway, as far as I can recall, I haven't had any and I don't miss a thing. So unless someone's going to become a 'genii' (not me) and make my fantasies come true...I'm not expecting any gifts. At least nothing 'material’. Am sure I may get a couple of text messages and maybe having my birth date and month (no year, sorry) on Facebook Profile page, will mean~~~ posts on my wal~~~l.I'm actually used to most friends, virtually no family members (hubby forgets most times).Except maybe, my dad wherever part of the jungle he is (no pun intended)! Come to think of it! Does my mother even remember she had a child on that date decades back? Hmmm! Food for thought!

I can get away with not making this an avenue for anyone to remember because I also didn't 'popularise' my Blog in that sense. So am just chattering away, thinking out loud as usual because I'm on my own (but in the office...you know what it means to be found wanting in the midst of plenty,huh?

Okay so I have drafted last weekend's road trip, but haven't been able to update my blog.The truth is, each time these thoughts goes through my head, I always wish I had a recorder.Yes,my two phones can record. But I need to make sure no one's around so they don't think am going nuts....sololoquizing,monologue or what? And I had once priced a midget because of this same reason a couple of years back. Now that technology's advanced to using mobile phones as recorders, one would think I would have stepped up too. At least, for the fact that am a wife to an IT man, somewhat...Now that I've thought of it, I may give it a try.Again,I don't think I'd be comfortable with anyone listening to me think out loud...We shall see!



We travelled to Durban last weekend...It was an excruciating six-hour plus drive that left me with fun memories and a lot of backache.But it was worth it.

We had seized the opportunity of a naming ceremony to "get-away”. Just like always, we didn't get enough time to move and look around as we ought to...I didn't even mention that we didn't 'shop' for souvenirs....That's actually normal when you travel with..Sorry, when 'I travel or go out with my hubby'.With him, time grows wings and flies with a speed of lightening.Huh! Huh!

I took a few pictures...donno how few really. But enough to say” we left Johannesburg".



I finally found out last week that am actually fine. Fine as in” health wise”. And I have finally accepted that my psychological state of health needs some overhauling. God help me! I won't say further!



One of my dearest cousins' planning a visit. I encouraged her to make the trip before her Visa expires and before she's unable to travel down to SA again, for visit. New ruels.Go figure!

So besides the expiration of her Visa towards the end of this month, I could also use some company from home. It would be really lovely to have a family member around. And we're also expecting two family-friends for the Easter holidays, at the Guest House very soon God willing. I am so looking forward to it.



The procrastination to commence my driving lessons should be coming to an end soon. We’ve spoken with the prospective driving school owner yesterday.Hopefully; I should commence in anytime now, God willing.



The only thing I can say about what the Doctor "confirmed" (cos I already know) is that,truly;there's something deep down in the depth of my heart that I can't let out to' just anybody' because it won't profer a solution...

I'm adaptive, no doubt. Sometimes I even think am taking that trait for granted. I get too comfortable and lay back, when I should be all out, fierce and rugged. The emptiness I feel’s what really gets to me. I feel spiritual emptiness because I don't attend religious activities and get involved in gatherings like I grew up doing. I just perform the basics, and basics aren't just enough for me...I thirst for more. Always have!

My social life is non-existent outside office.Socialising at office's merely an interaction and it doesn’t go beyond that. I have formed a friendship with a former staff who's more like a younger sister because that's the role I play to her. I give admonition where I can and she engages me in mentally stimulating coversasions...Something my brain yearns for more than I can tell.

For this reason, I do get homesick most often than not and feel a vacuum that's not been filled in the last three years. I just miss my families and friends because they make me feel whole. Here in SA, my life's become a recluse and it's not doing me any good.

I don't get fulfillment from just being a mother and wife alone. Am used to being a leader, a pacesetter, an initiator, a follower, a member, a friend, a mentor and I'm not filling that void with their respective duties. I’m not an 'ordinary' or 'regular' person in that sense. I always do more, want more challenge, feel more wanted and needed, make a difference,leave an imprint, set a pace...I'm used to people feeling my presence and impact. I don't get to do that beyond the office. I relate with people and partake in group activities back home.....I'm so, so underutilized!

But then again, maybe there's a purpose is on this 'unwanted' break. Maybe there's a reason am not getting the inspirations I'm used to having when am surrounded by my fellow brethren. I haven’t been able to write because the inspiration's just not coming. It was never this bad. I would have finished writing my books or be close to doing so, were I back home. And maybe not! But perhaps, there’s a reason...And it's still all good, right?



Chin up, Bili’, it will happen!





No comments:

Post a Comment