Tuesday, April 27, 2010


It won’t be the first time I’d be wishing for something, either would this be the last…As humans, we always wish for one thing or the other. It’s human nature!
I feel like am in a dream, having a terrible and horrific nightmare…God please wake me from my slumber if this is truly a bad dream…
If this is a nightmare, I do not even want to close my eyes to sleep or slumber.
I do not exactly have words to express how am really feeling right now. This is a disaster. I feel somewhat stupid, disappointed in myself, troubled, terribly disturbed and hopeless…Did I mention helpless too?
Where do I begin from? How do I start explaining what I’ve got no slightest clue about? I haven’t had a real laugh in four days. No matter how much I try, I just can’t let this guilty feeling go away and forge ahead…My “Passport is missing”!
I do not know how, where or when it happened. An unexpected visit from the SA immigration department brought this to my attention on Friday; at the office. There was no way I would have known as I only carry it around for the same immigration purposes. Am even ashamed to say it to anyone. I haven’t felt more careless than I feel right now.  Meanwhile, I neither forgot it somewhere nor used it for personal purposes. The last I recall of it was when I gave it to hubby when he wanted to go purchase tickets for the family (to watch Nigeria’s 2nd match for the FIFA WORLD CUP 2010, since we’re the hosting nation and it’s an event of a lifetime).
Digressing a little-his earlier efforts to purchase tickets for the first match between Argentina and Nigeria, at the Stadium (Ellis Park, Johannesburg) within our reach proved futile. Apparently, he didn’t need our (the kids and I) passports for the purchase…only his was requested. I remember collecting it from him when he returned, and that’s the last thing I recall. I took them straight to the bedroom and into my wardrobe; instantly.
Am so downcast because this is happening at a really wrong time. We were scheduled to travel next week (am already using the past tense because I’d need a miracle to find the passport before then-AND I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!)

I feel like freezing time (like Hiro in the series “Heroes”)…If only that was possible! I don’t even want to go to sleep because that’d be another day, and fewer days left. What’s more disturbing is the fact that;  have searched every possible place, turned the house inside out, brainstormed, racked  my brain, refreshed my memory, traced back my steps of the past one week but came up with nothing. I feel like I blanked out when it happened. I can’t link it to anywhere, any possibility or probability…
Am racing against time! God help me! Am in dire need of a miracle!
I can’t close my eyes. I don’t want to sleep, but I will. A couple of people I’ve told about says “I should believe, have faith”…. Because they know how religious I am. But am not feeling so religious right now...I think am more puzzled, confused, shattered and worst still, am not getting the moral support I need. Am just going around a ‘grumpy and miserable woman’ in the house. I wish to be left alone, but that’s not gonna happen...there’s always someone in my face, in my space. I wanted to go for a walk and clear my head in the afternoon, but got too lazy. I decided to walk about ten to fifteen minutes to the grocery store on Saturday, after our guests left. Instead of sending the staff at the guest house, as even hubby suggested, I didn’t. I thought it would help gain perspective and maybe bring back a memory of what I might have left out. But it didn’t. I returned with a strained elbow joint, from carrying the shopping bags on both hands instead. That didn’t really bother me. I just needed to get out of the house as I was feeling crowded! I was alone with the kids and had nowhere to go or anyone at that to share my plight with...
At this juncture I don’t know what to choose…hold on to faith and hope for the best OR simply resign to fate and accept my misfortune…
It’s amazing how such a ‘small booklet’ can change your life, make or mar it!
God help me, this is a nightmare!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Inspired by a stranger!

And the man died….
It’s not everyday that we come across’ clients’ or ‘customers’ that leaves us with an impression. Even though I wasn’t regular at the office until January this year; I had had a handful of rude and insensitive clients to deal with. I do not particularly believe in the mantra of “customers being always right’. However, I know when the wish and demands of a customer should be paramount.
And so it was that, a couple of months ago, a gentle middle-aged man walked through the glass door, like every other customers; and asked to register a Church.
Even though am subjected to scrutiny and labelling, I have always been a tolerant person and do not treat non-Muslims with disdain or rebuke. Afterall, where I come from, extended families or even immediate ones always have a mixture of both faiths. In the end, we are all families!
The deceased, Mr. Brown Cassoma Anthonio was like any other client and I attended to him like I would any other…respect, courtesy and willingness to serve.
It is no gainsaying that, people have dragged the name of God along with their bad attitudes and have committed sacrilegious sins, in the name of God. This is particularly common in my home country. But why I singled out this customer wasn’t because he was representing’ decency’ or Godliness’. Anybody could have been so and yet be inconsiderate, rude and ill mannered. The man was simply being human, very mature and gentle. He could have been my father, or at most my Uncle.
Just yesterday, I was speaking to my hubby about his registration which is long overdue. I even mentioned it to the new receptionist that, the man probably wasn’t pestering me and bombarding me with phone calls because “he was a man of God”.
So, it was indeed a great shock when few minutes ago, his wife, whom I’ve never met in person came into our office to enquire about the status of their application, if they were still owing us any outstanding fees for the registration, and, ”to inform me that the man had passed away”. He had been buried on Saturday...he passed away last Thursday. I was shocked…there was no way I could hide the expression of utter shock on my face!
Even the student that was present while I got the news had to ask if I knew the man personally…Of course not! I had never met him before until the day he came into the office for registration. And had only spoken to him on the phone afterwards. About two weeks ago, I made a call through to him but never got to speak with him. From the few conversations we’ve had over the phone regarding this registration, I had gathered that the man was not ‘acting’ or ‘pretending’ to be cool, calm and considerate. He was truly a gentleman. Even his wife admitted to this when she came in a little while ago. She said the man had died from organ failure. His condition was worsened and compounded by wrong medication…God knows best!
Am still in dismay. It seems like I spoke with the man just yesterday. I do not know him from Eve, but was deeply touched by his demise. It just reaffirmed the already known fact that, it is a small world’ and anyone could die at anytime. The late Mr. Brown showed no sign of illness whatsoever when I last saw and spoke with him…

Death! Oh death! You strike with or without a warning!
And take your victim on a journey that knows no comeback!
You take the ill! The innocent! The young and the old!
Race or colour is no barrier!
Nothing can stop you even if your victim owns an Island or an entire town.
Riches cannot stand in your way if you so choose to strike!!!
We are no immortals and that is the known fact…
A reality that needs neither admittance nor denial!
Death! Oh death!
I pray that before you come for me..
My acts, I would have polished!
My thoughts I would have refined!
And my faith I would still hold on to!
For no one knows the hour or day….
Let’s live life with these thoughts at the back of our minds!