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It won’t be the first time I’d be wishing for something, either would this be the last…As humans, we always wish for one thing or the other. It’s human nature!
I feel like am in a dream, having a terrible and horrific nightmare…God please wake me from my slumber if this is truly a bad dream…
If this is a nightmare, I do not even want to close my eyes to sleep or slumber.
I do not exactly have words to express how am really feeling right now. This is a disaster. I feel somewhat stupid, disappointed in myself, troubled, terribly disturbed and hopeless…Did I mention helpless too?
Where do I begin from? How do I start explaining what I’ve got no slightest clue about? I haven’t had a real laugh in four days. No matter how much I try, I just can’t let this guilty feeling go away and forge ahead…My “Passport is missing”!
I do not know how, where or when it happened. An unexpected visit from the SA immigration department brought this to my attention on Friday; at the office. There was no way I would have known as I only carry it around for the same immigration purposes. Am even ashamed to say it to anyone. I haven’t felt more careless than I feel right now.  Meanwhile, I neither forgot it somewhere nor used it for personal purposes. The last I recall of it was when I gave it to hubby when he wanted to go purchase tickets for the family (to watch Nigeria’s 2nd match for the FIFA WORLD CUP 2010, since we’re the hosting nation and it’s an event of a lifetime).
Digressing a little-his earlier efforts to purchase tickets for the first match between Argentina and Nigeria, at the Stadium (Ellis Park, Johannesburg) within our reach proved futile. Apparently, he didn’t need our (the kids and I) passports for the purchase…only his was requested. I remember collecting it from him when he returned, and that’s the last thing I recall. I took them straight to the bedroom and into my wardrobe; instantly.
Am so downcast because this is happening at a really wrong time. We were scheduled to travel next week (am already using the past tense because I’d need a miracle to find the passport before then-AND I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!)

I feel like freezing time (like Hiro in the series “Heroes”)…If only that was possible! I don’t even want to go to sleep because that’d be another day, and fewer days left. What’s more disturbing is the fact that;  have searched every possible place, turned the house inside out, brainstormed, racked  my brain, refreshed my memory, traced back my steps of the past one week but came up with nothing. I feel like I blanked out when it happened. I can’t link it to anywhere, any possibility or probability…
Am racing against time! God help me! Am in dire need of a miracle!
I can’t close my eyes. I don’t want to sleep, but I will. A couple of people I’ve told about says “I should believe, have faith”…. Because they know how religious I am. But am not feeling so religious right now...I think am more puzzled, confused, shattered and worst still, am not getting the moral support I need. Am just going around a ‘grumpy and miserable woman’ in the house. I wish to be left alone, but that’s not gonna happen...there’s always someone in my face, in my space. I wanted to go for a walk and clear my head in the afternoon, but got too lazy. I decided to walk about ten to fifteen minutes to the grocery store on Saturday, after our guests left. Instead of sending the staff at the guest house, as even hubby suggested, I didn’t. I thought it would help gain perspective and maybe bring back a memory of what I might have left out. But it didn’t. I returned with a strained elbow joint, from carrying the shopping bags on both hands instead. That didn’t really bother me. I just needed to get out of the house as I was feeling crowded! I was alone with the kids and had nowhere to go or anyone at that to share my plight with...
At this juncture I don’t know what to choose…hold on to faith and hope for the best OR simply resign to fate and accept my misfortune…
It’s amazing how such a ‘small booklet’ can change your life, make or mar it!
God help me, this is a nightmare!


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