Thursday, December 9, 2010

It just never ends...


Welcome to - “ The never-ending story of my life”!

Okay, I did the unusual yesterday, I mean last night. I went to bed before 9.p.m. It was actually a few minutes past 8p.m.Hubby came in from the lounge and asked what was wrong. I replied that I was tired. I had decided to sleep earlier than I usually do because I need to get to the root of this sleepy feeling, every morning. I may not be able to diagnose anything, but I was going to try my unconventional method of elimination first. What happened as a result of that was being awoken by 2 a.m and not being able to go back to sleep, till now…It’s 1.15p.m now and am not getting any sleep until later at night…I will be just fine!
Some days are better than others. They say when there's life there's still hope. And it is with these thoughts that I pray, not just 'hope' that my father returns home some day. What else can I say? When you're related, you're related. You don't change that fact just by denouncing it.
My father clocked fifty-seven yesterday. Unless am mistaken, yesterday was his birthday. How does one explain his non-appearance at family functions and his constant absence from his closest family members? I think the relocation of my siblings to Ghana, planned or not was a blessing in disguise. The truth is, without sentiments, I have never regarded my father as an irresponsible man because he is not. I know that may sound biased, but he's not. Besides myself, my younger ones had the privilege of being catered for and looked after by him. At least to a very large extent. The presence of their mom (my step-mom) did not mean he dumped his parental duties on her. Besides, how would the poor woman have survived with six children to care for?
I cannot also say they had it all rosy, on the contrary. They had rough times and weathered it together. He gave them primary and secondary education and wished for them to go beyond that, even though that will was not backed by action...It was the 'plan'. Financial constraints have prevented him from giving them a better upbringing. But considering that he almost isolated himself and settled in a very rural village; I think he excelled.
This also did not prevent my sister from having a child at an early age. She succeeded in giving my father his very first grandchild...I have no idea what really went down there, but at least, she became a mother before me. She must have been about eighteen years of age at the time, or thereabout; but definately not older. That, am sure!
I know I can't really help this feeling of wanting to be a part of their lives, being there for them when they need a sisterly love and care (I still crave that too).But the reality is, that may never happen in this lifetime. However pessimistic or hopeless that may sound, it's the fact and here's why: There are four girls 'unmarried' now amongst my siblings (at least I hope so).So I pray they eventually find responsible God-fearing men to settle down with. That will happen sooner or later. When it finally does, we'd be more apart than we are presently. So that's the reality. I don't know if they would remain in that part of the planet or farther away in Europe. Time will tell!
With the level of technology today, I would have thought they would make some efforts to  contact me...wishful thinking. Perhaps, they need the technology that will allow tele-transport or 'time-travelling'...Just looking at the comic side of things. It's better than feeling helpless and frustrated.
The more I think about my families, the more it feels like I was never really meant to be any part of it...They all keep going a different direction, going their own ways, they leave. I left too, but only when it was a natural thing to do. I left home as a result of marriage. I would never have deserted my families under a different circumstance. Even I had to school in another country, I would come back home. If I lived thousands of miles away, I would write letters, send text messages now that there’s mobile/cellular phones, I would send emails if they had access to the internet, I would communicate them regularly through Social networks on the Internet, and would call occasionally. My father still kept copies of the letter I wrote to him while I was a child in my elementary school days. He even showed me one of such some years back.
Now that I have no slightest clue what's going on in everybody's lives, I guess I should just continue to pray and hope we still meet in this lifetime, since am still alive.
Oh! And I guess I can still wish my old man a happy birthday afterall. I pray God grants him a longer life so that when I am granted that as well, I may look for him, find him and tell whatever I've got to say to him.
Today's my lil' cousin's birthday actually. She got her wishes already on Facebook...I wish her nothing short of God's mercy and immense blessings...
I may be back here later today if God wills..can't say yet!

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