Once upon a girl who chases the unattainable, seeks that which cannot be held unto, racing against tides, trying relentlessly to elude destiny, questioning fate, cursing life for being brutal and utterly unfair. Yet, remaining faithful and hopeful, taking solace in her innermost and most private spirituality. Inspite of life’s numerous and seemingly endless disappointments, she holds on to her beliefs, values, morality, honesty, openness, loyalty and unconditional love. She believes no matter how unkind life might have been to you, you can love someone, love people; even though they don’t love you back in return. Her large-heartedness brought her aches and pains, subjected her to being taken advantage of, made her helplessly vulnerable; but she bore it all in strides, turned it around as a weapon of strength rather than weakness…A loving heart is not a vice, contrary to what the world may make it seem. Since when did being good become a bad thing?
In the twists and turns of life, some are still fortunate enough to have discovered their self-worth in time. Fortunate enough to discover their strengths, weaknesses/shortcomings, gifts, talents, grace and blessing (s). ‘In-time’ here would mean before they get into life’s many commitments,, making lifelong decisions life choosing a path to follow, a career/profession, being in a relationship, bearing children. Some on the other hand are left in the woods. They remain in the dark until, maybe too late to make a U-turn…irreparable damage. But in all these, your Creator knows better. Hence commands procreation, the union of the two sexes, yet permits separation, allows the dissolution of this sacred unity; because He knows you more than you do yourself. As sacred as marriage is, these two different individuals may not be tolerant enough to spend the rest of their lives together. They may not be meant for each other. So why force them to remain together when their happiness lies with someone else? The subject is debatable as different faiths have different submission on that…It’s a ‘free’ world and everyone’s free to their opinion.
Your Maker knows you better than anyone does. How Magnificent!
In mankind’s quest for peace for peace, tranquility, happiness, joy, fulfillment, satisfaction and contentment, you crave the mercy of a Superior Power, seek the bountiful blessing of your Creator, and that’s where religion comes in. But no matter what you do, no matter your level of righteousness, the devil remains an open enemy. The battle never ends until death comes knocking on your door. It’s an endless battle for the redemption of your soul!
This girl is one of those, who just needs a pat on the back, an attentive ear, a shoulder to cry on. But naivety or innocence couldn’t rescue her. Ignorance couldn’t protect her from becoming a victim. It took her an awful long time to figure out where her strength lies. It took her several mistakes and wrong choices to find her inner strength. For someone who loves naturally, gives willingly and feels without struggle, the world wasn’t just ready to give her all that back in return. Had it not been for her faith, she would have discarded the thought that life was worth living. If not for her friends, she would have remained in her own little world, her cocoon and haven, remaining isolated. If not the Grace she’s bestowed, she would have relinquished faith and lost hope…It’s a cruel world afterall!
You know, you meet people at different stages of your life. Everyone knows you differently. People appreciate you for different reasons, they commend you, they love you differently for reasons best known to them. But they all know you differently, and just a handful may know you very well, know you more than others do. Some may just know you to be friendly, a sweetheart, your weakness, simply brilliant, they see you frown, get upset, appreciate your strength, know you’ve got a loving nature, a caring and kind heart and they know what brings out the best in you. Just a handful may appreciate your sensitivity and maybe your emotionally-needy nature. You may just spend your lifetime with someone, you hope would return your feelings, appreciate your sense of value, respect your principle, your appreciation for the finer things in life and the resilience to hold on to your values without compromise, come what may. You may be stuck with someone who constantly expects you to read between the lines. Someone, anyone who despite being the closest to you just doesn’t see what someone distant sees. This person may be ignorant or negligent, or disastrously a combination of both, to your need for attention, a little affection, some tender love and care (call it TLC).
You may just end up working and striving so hard on your own to find solace in your spirituality. You console yourself knowing that, your silent cries and unspoken hurts are only communicated to “The One” Who needs not your utterance to know what’s weighing heavily on your mind. Your undying wishes to be appreciated, be with that person who also appreciates your sensuality, intangible generousity, accept your flaws and loves you nonetheless. You find comfort in knowing that, being denied these wishes here on earth is a blessing for the ‘Afterlife’. That your compensation for the Hereafter would be far more gratifying and satisfying beyond what your mind could ever imagine.
You may feel loved from so many different directions, it may still not be enough to fill that void from one single person…The “One” you sought, found, but could not and will not “have”; yet never cease to long for!
On her own, in her quiet moments, she gets closer to her Creator like no one has ever witnessed and may never know. She trembles at the mention of His name, feels a tremor in her heart. She seeks forgiveness for this major weakness. She akin towards repentance. For she alone knows what the unuttered desires are, the silent unspoken wishes, and all these are “constant reminders for her that, she is only human”. She should not equate herself with the “chosen ones”. She is not a “Saint”. She must therefore continue to be repentant and remorseful, If her general actions speak well for her, she still cannot remain infallible-that is an attribute only for a Superior Power-her Creator. She cannot remain flawless, however commendable her character, holding no grudges or rancour against anyone. She may otherwise see herself as a ‘superior being’ to others. She has to be constantly reminded that she is but human, she is given something to worry about, something to long and wish for…knowing they may not come to reality, wishes that may not get granted…So she is allowed to dream too…She will continue to fight the battle of her desires. She will strive to fill the vacuum that she only knows the depth. She will continually wrestle with her passion, her longings and wishes…
The story of “once upon a girl”, is not just a fairytale. Women find themselves in such situations everyday. Caught in-between two worlds, “to walk away or not”…It is not as simple as “black and white”, there may be a ‘grey area’…But whatever you do, be sure to remember what comes first, what follows that, and what comes next. GOD FIRST, anything else in-between, but, DO NOT PUT YOURSELF LAST!