Skip to main content

The che@ting spouse...

The subject of infidelity in marriage is as inexhaustible as your mind can travel .It is something that those who have been hurt and emotionally damaged from its consequence which they understood. Attempts are made to correct this anomally , that has become second to nature.As a matter of fact, it has been concluded that,because men are “polygamous by nature,there can be no man content with a single woman. Ironically or should I say paradoxically however,this submission has every inch of hypocrite in it. Why?Because they would rather a man keeps a side kick,than actually do the lawful thing of taking another wife, or 3 or 4 as our own faith has permitted.
Cheating happens for various reasons, could be emotional,physical ,you’d be surprised-mental and so on. Also,either of the spouses can cheat. What is prevalence (without statistics reference now),is men being most likely to cheat. The major difference however is that, women are more likely to cheat for emotional reasons than men are. A man would cheat and convince himself that he hasn't done anything wrong. A woman May cheat to revenge from being hurt,or be vulnerable while depressed with little or no attention and or support from her partner.
The egoistic nature of men makes thrm possessive and cannot stand their wife being with another. Wimen also have this feeling of “possession “.
We are in a society where the man is seen and regarded as the alpha male and should get away with any act of infidelity. The female folks however are ecpected to suck it up and deal with it. You done want to be passed around like a handball.So you must just roll with it and stop whinning. Afterall,men are polygamous by nature!
Women's case can result from a feeling of neglect and emotional detachment. Research has shown that most infidelities occur in a working environment. This goes for men as well,who have to mix with females  as their field of work requires.
In today's world,cheating does not only happen physically, emotional teaching is most prevalent because of the breakdown in family values. Families are kept apart by work and the search for livelihood. Couples get so swamped in several things that consequently rwduces thw time spent together for binding. And before they realise what has befallen them,they have grown apart. It is when it becomes so obvious especially in the bedroom that, the diggerence becomes noticeable. Seclxual relations dwindle drastically and the interest to copulate fades in time. At times the man on his part may start to withdraw and complain abour things that ordinarily would not matter to him before. He may start to demand a different method that you were unaccustomed to. If he never used ro keep his phone locked, he would start putting a password, and maybe stay out longer. His schedules will suddenly become stretched beyond regular time and he may not eat from home as much.
The reason most of these signs of a cheating spouse may go unnoticed is because,if the foundation was built on trust, there would be no reasons to be suspicious. Some women prefer to live in denial than face reality. The idea of,” afterall he would still return home ro me" plays out here. The kess i know the better,it's no big deal,every man does it...etc.
While a man may cheat and still wants to keep his marriage,a woman may not easily overcome the betrayal. Women who choose to remain in an unhealthy relationshio choose to for varying reasons,mostly for fear of the unknown,societal pressure,cultural beliefs and or religious reasons.
If a woman feels inclined to check up on her husband from time to time,it's either there was no trust to begin with ir there had been a breach. Even if you have access to your man's phone, they have grown beyond the basics. Names get changed,chats get deleted or archived and call history is erased. The options of social media varies,so that means you would have to spend so much time and effort in trying to figure out which of the platforms he's using to commmunicate his concubines. Some men just serial date for rhe fun of it, not mindful of the harm it can caisetheir partner.
Some women are just paranoid because of rhe ugly tales they have heard,seen or experienced. The cliche  of all men cheats has resgitered in their cognitive.
Inspite what anyone may say or think that, women are the reason their man cheats, a woman may do everything right and find herself in a web of lies. That is when you realise that,if there is a reason for a man or woman to cheat, if they share same value system and love each other sincerely, their concerted efforts can repair rather than damage their union. They need grace and Divine will to get past it. While some work things out, either by going for therapy or conselling sessions or resolve by addressing the root cause;while agreeing never to let it reoccur. A major setback of being unfaithful is the not regaining the trust back. We may forgive, but forgetting may not be as easy.
My submission on infidelity or cheating in marriage is this, if you choose to stay,you must know why you made that choice. If you decide to walk away, ensure you would not be left hanging. Be careful of wrong admonition by families and friends. Do leave with enough strategy and feasible plan in place for your sustenance. Explore the legal aspect of your marriage to your advantage. If abuse is involved, move out so you do not lose your precious and non duplicate life. If you are unemployed, find a means of sustenance. If the shame of returning to your family is holding you back remember it is better to be shamed and alive, than wallow in misery under emotional,mental and psychological abuse. Your life is worth saving. If you cannot cater for your children's welfare, ensure that legal backing  to have them taken care of. The laws are there, we do not use them because we are directed by whims and caprices or just silenced by the society. Back in the days, everyone would agree that, it should be settled inhouse and so it becomes a hush hush affair.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Homeland crises...

I shouldn’t have to struggle to put down the words, I was almost blank for a second there. The thoughts of our homecountry weighed heavily on my mind and I just couldn’t help but make a personal supplication for God to see us through. It isn’t just about the fuel price inflation, but so many ills inherent in the system. Don’t get me wrong, am not preaching for Shari’ah as a legal system, but at least a fair governance of the acclaimed ‘Democracy’ we say we’ve got. So much for government of the people by the people and for the people”! It is so sad to see that people can be so obsessed with power, money and authority, forgetting where they are coming from. I mean these politicians are just ordinary humans like you and I, who have been privileged to attain their status, fairly or by fraud. The question is, how can they close their eyes to the sufferings of the people? Are they also not humans who one day would be swallowed by earth, irrespective of wealth or status? Others have gone and …