Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Down memory lane...

The month has come to an end, and so is the year, approaching the end. I was in one of those moods today. The mood where I want nothing but a mere wishful thinking. 
A fantasy of turning back the hands of time. It appears I have closed my mind to learning and accepting that, “what’s past is past, forward is the only way to go. I can look back but never try to turn back…that I need to move on”. I know this is undeniably true, 
but I sometimes choose to remain in that twilight of wishes and daydreams…There is a difference in this pattern though…Paradoxical, huh? The difference is that I deliberately choose to go down that lane, flashbacks and memories of the good old days. It wasn’t like things were all smooth and interesting. But it was a period in my life that I would never forget, unless my memory is erased.
I have been recalling the school drama, the school organized and in which I partook in commemoration of World AIDS DAY, fifteen years back! That sounds like a lifetime ago…Alliamdulillah, am still alive. Those extra-curricular activities were avenues I explored and felt free to really and truly express myself. It felt really good, those years. School was my ‘comfort zone’, my ‘haven’ away from condemnation and rejection. It always felt good, boosted my self esteem because I knew I was someone and could be recognized for what I could do. Being the best English student, the best literary student wasn’t enough. 
I could and sure did more. And so it’s always with  excitement that I recall some of the school outings that gave me that sense of belonging. It’s  paradoxical how life unfolds. 
I can  in all honesty and not with  pride, earnestly say that, those were the most interesting times of my life. You know what they say, it gets more complicated as you grow older…huh! Life, oh !Life!
Ok, so I went down memory lane today because tomorrow’s the first of December and I just never forget the HIV/AIDS School Drama Competition. My school came fourth amongst seven or eight schools. It was fun. Acting on the stage was different and I got to learn you ‘never’ back your audience in a stage drama. So the first four schools were selected to form another team, and the play was now taken to the theatres…awesomely cool, huh? 
But we didn’t get to see the drama. We had performed it, so now the audience could enjoy…But we did know, our amateur, high school faces were on the big screen, in the theatres…And I bet we made a difference. I still remember most faces, some even with names. My school mates were part of the drama group and some of the lads were from our neighbouring schools.; most of whom am still friends with. It was really fun. I remember some of the silly things that went with that drama. I mean, it was a competition and everyone wanted to be recognised and commended for their roles…I think I would go on and on if I don’t pause now…Am still awake!

Monday, November 29, 2010

...was out today;went to my school!

Registration commenced today, and I was at UNISA, Sunnyside Campus; in Pretoria. Have I mentioned that the main Campus UNISA’s first and foremost building fascinates me, no matter how many times I see it; I look at it as if it were my first. It wasn’t as hectic as I had feared it would be. The first days are usually hectic. But today was quite different. The queues of course remains. But there were no prospective learners roaming around or confused about where to go. The green horns followed the tradition though. I almost laughed when I heard a lady recounting her ordeal. How she had queued on the wrong line, and was eventually re-directed to where she was supposed to be….been there, done that, learnt my lesson! Good thing I can laugh over it now. It was pretty annoying back then and the crowd was overwhelming. Since UNISA is an institution of learning, I won’t be surprised if they have joined the campaign against polluting the environment. Hence, the reason they have gone stringent and almost “stingy” on the brochure dispatch. Perhaps, I’d get them when they send my study materials.
I had been on the queue for about forty-five minutes before I got to sit. I was thirsty before I even began my itinerary for today, but decided not to eat to my fill or drink so much water. I would need to use the ladies, and I didn’t want that to be a distraction. I spent less than five minutes while being attended to at the Access and Matriculation Exemption Section, of the registration. It was almost unbelievable. I had prayed before I left home, prayed on my way there, and prayed when I got there. I had to supplicate for God to take charge and not let anything go wrong. I wanted to be done with whatever I had to do at the Self Help Centre today. I didn’t want to be asked for what was not in my handbag, things like the Marriage Certificate for starters. Anyway, am happy and grateful to God it went well. I had gone with a whole lot of other documents of course, but wasn’t sure I would be required to provide them…better safe than sorry!
I would have said I never enjoyed a ride in a commercial bus, if I hadn’t been home this year to experience the newly introduced BRT (sorry, don’t really know the full meaning). The forty minutes drive back and forth Pretoria was as smooth as silk. I enjoyed the going more. It was very peaceful and I sat comfortably. It was a mini-bus, but very smooth ride. If going out by public transport is that interesting, I honestly wouldn’t mind going to the library in Pretoria, at the main Campus. We shall see. I included a library card while filling in my details today. So hopefully, this time around, I would get a library card and pray to make use of it. It would be nice to get away for sometime, on my own to study.
Am sleepy…took some sleeping pills last night because I haven’t been sleeping well, and it was the fourth day I had been having headache. But it’s subsided now. Gotta go…am really, really sleepy!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Being busy...

I have been working on compiling my Poems…yeah,I know, ”same ol’song”! I did that before, but this time is different. The difference in this is that I’ve re-activated my profiles from my old Online Poetry membership. Some require payment for upgrade, but I think I’d just make-do with the regular membership for now. In all honesty, I would upgrade and improve my chances of finding a reliable publishing company/contract. I don’t want to keep doing everything together and stopping half-way.
Okay, i don't want to jinx it, but so far, I have written a few more and the total as of this moment is thirty...Yes, three-zero...30 Poems at hand. Now I do not know how much is enough. I have no idea how many I'm required to have compiled before I consider a publication. I have decided to make it a duty to do something about the compilation, everyday. By God's grace, I will endeavour to keep this up. Afterall, I need no internet connection for that. But I've also realised that checking these Poetry Sites gives me a boost. It will keep me motivated to keep writing and once again give my Poetry the commitment it requires.
The clutters are here again, and it's painfully about my families. I just hope all is well as I don't usually get this worried. perhaps, it's because it's been way too long that we've communicated. Perhaps, not. Whatever it is, I've got no control over at this time. I leave it to God.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

EID-UL-ADHA!

It’s becoming a routine that every year, Eid would seem like ‘an ordinary day. The few exceptions are the people and the Sheep..I think it would remain “people” as the only exception because we now slaughter Lamb on any other day.
As if that was not enough, I had to deal with hubby saying we were no longer going to the office (I had plans, you know)!In the first place, we were not supposed to be at the office today. But since Islamic holidays are not observed here, the kids had to go to school. We decided they would be home tomorrow;since Eid will be observed here tomorrow and not today.
So when we eventually agreed that I go to the mall to get the items that would be needed for the cooking tomorrow, I was told to hike…Hike?Hike from the mall to the office;with assistance from the young lad from office. How much torture do I need? Well, I went to the mall.And it was nothing I expected. I had not imagined I would be waiting at the mall to be taken back home ,longer than I did shopping. I was made to wait for two and half hours. I wouldn’t say I was frustrated ,but I sure was silently upset. In the spirit of Eid-ul Adha,I decided I would not take out my annoyance on anyone. I was consciously telling myself that I won’t be angry. I had to keep that frame of mind because I was seriously upset. I felt really offended and taken for granted. I typed a memo on my phone at some point as an outlet of what was boiling inside of me. I had spent the early hours of the morning sending Eid greetings to friends on Facebook, and a few text messages to some friends back home and the few Muslims I can reach here. I just kept on reminding myself that my itinerary had been preplanned by God and that no amount of anger was going to change anything. That positive frame of mind kept me going for the two and half hour long wait.
Still had to spend another two hours in the kitchen after I got home. I had to prepare dinner and get started with the little things we could, for tomorrow. It’s going to be a long day. Sorry, I mean “today”-It’s already 17th of November and I should be in Bed. I didn’t take a nap and am wondering why am still awake now. It’s almost 1.a.m and I think it’s best I go to bed right about now…
It’s raining BTW…It’s tempting also. I Love the rain ,it gives me an unspoken comfort and I could type on till daybreak, if I don’t stop now!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

BEAUTIFUL SAYINGS...

~~~~~BEAUTIFUL SAYINGS~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


o   Success is the result of foresight and resolution, foresight depends upon deep thinking and planning, and the most important factor of planning is to keep your secrets to yourself.
• Hearts of people are like wild birds, they attach themselves to those who love and train them.
• Only He can forgive who has power to punish.
• If you help a deserving person without his request then it is generosity and if you help him after his request then mostly it is due to shyness to your refusal or fear of reproach.
• There is no greater wealth than wisdom, no greater poverty than ignorance, no greater heritage than culture and no greater helpmate than consultation.
• Wealth converts every foreign country into your native place, and poverty turns your native place into a strange land.
• Contentment is the capital which will never come to an end.
• Wealth is the fountainhead of inordinate cravings.
• Whoever warns you against sins and vices is like the one who is carrying news of salvation to you.
• People in this world are like travelers whose journey is going on as though they are asleep. (Life's journey is going on though men may not feel it.)
• To lose friends is to become a stranger in one's own country.
• Not to have a thing is less humiliating than to beg it of others.
• Do not be ashamed if the amount of charity is small because to return the needy empty-handed is an act of greater shame.
• If you cannot get things as much as you desire, then be contented with what you have.
• An uneducated man or a savage will always overdo a thing or neglect to do
it properly.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I should be in bed, not because it’s late; but because am kind of sleepy. And mainly because I haven’t been sleeping well. Sometimes, I wonder if I won’t opt to stay awake, had nature given me an alternative. It seems I prefer to stay awake, than to eat or sleep. Anyway, I think my migraine finally subsiding was a relief. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. So much that I may have shared with someone that would care to listen. I try to live each day as if I’ve put all these ravaging thoughts behind me, but I haven’t. I haven’t dealt with my granny’s passing away, with not knowing my father’s whereabouts, with not knowing how my siblings are doing; being scattered between Nigeria and Ghana. I’m worried-sick, disturbed and highly perturbed about the way my families are just scattered all over, without been able to contact anyone of them. I’ve not been told by anyone that they have heard from my father or my younger ones..…I think I better go to bed now. Sleep will eventually come. Staying a minute longer here alone will only bring back the thoughts that gives me headache and makes my heart ache. Especially when there’s nothing I can possibly do about it presently. I’ve been feeling a lil’ homesick lately. It’s not like I miss going around or eating something different for a change. I just miss my families. I miss them dearly and wish I could see everyone. I’ve also been slightly concerned because it appears everyone’s been unusually quiet lately. I pray all’s well with them all.
….Still awake! I’ve got a mixed feeling about my father’s incommunicado. It’s easy for people to think that life is easy and that an adult like myself shouldn’t be bothered about having a father or mother around. But how easy is that? I can’t even reconnect with my mother. What’s there to reconnect? There was never a connection there to begin with. So if I had even been considering reuniting with her through my father, how am I supposed to do that when I’ve got no slightest clue where he is? I mean, I may not have mentioned it at all, but I was silently hurting and devastated that he was nowhere to be found when his mother passed away. I doubt my Uncle has been able to contact him either. With today’s level of technological advancement, one would have thought that, my younger ones would consider getting in touch via electronic or post mail. They may not even be able to afford a phone call. But the good old fashion way of letter mailing still works; just may take a little longer. I would have thought they would think of that option. So is it true what they say that the blood relation from mother is stronger than that of the father’s? Am I supposed to believe this or just discard it as a superstition? Am bleeding within, am hurting deep down inside; yet no one’s meeting me halfway. There were times I felt guilty and almost irresponsible because I feel it was my duty as the oldest child to find my younger ones. But how do you find people who aren’t using their initiatives? I have tried the numbers I was given to no avail. Maybe I should retry the numbers again tomorrow and see what happens next. My father’s in the habit of giving things away and this includes his SIM card. How does one reach him when he keeps changing his numbers sporadically? I do not even know what to do with the man’s situation. And the family thinks I’ve been in contact with him, because he’s my father. Well, what can I say? I am his daughter and that’s a fact that’s not going to change, whether I renounce him as one or refuse to call him my father. His blood flows in my body…God! This is so exhausting and tiring. Olohun, temi dowo re o!
Nice night!
2250Hours
081110

Monday, November 8, 2010

Why till 'morrow?

Do not wait till tomorrow, what you can do today
Often times we hear the saying, “Life is too short”…
Same old song, we say and then dismiss it,
If only we could take a pause to ponder,
Why this saying ?
I think reality hits us,
When someone we knew or a loved one pass on,
Yet we need not wait till this happens,
For every minute of every hour and every day,
New lives are brought into the world…
So while some rejoice in cheerfulness and excitement,
Some mourn in anguish for an irreparable loss,
So why wait till you lose someone,
Before truly realizing that life is indeed short?
Let’s make the best use of the time that is now…
Be good, do good, be kind, be considerate, be thankful for little blessings,
Thank God and say “Thank you” to someone today…
I just did!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

When I finally got my laptop....my very first that is!

 I finally got my very own laptop today. Alliamdulillah, it’s long overdue!
I had resigned to fate and wasn’t keen about it anylonger. But of course, am excited about it, like anyone else would. Although, my day was alright, but the evening wasn’t pleasant and I will be going to bed in that manner. I sure do not feel like talking now. Besides, who would I be chatting with? The kids are off to bed now, and am clearly not in the mood for any chit-chat with hubby this night. I think this is a very good time to sleep. It’s coming naturally….Early to bed………………..fill in the gap!
Nightly night!
That post was from Tuesday. Between then and now, my husband’s phones (had been stolen, I completed the training brochure I was working on yesterday, thankfully. Alliamdulillah, and we have reclaimed hubby’s Blackberry; for the second time in eight months. God help us!
Editing is something I enjoy doing, I haven’t really given it much thought until now. It’s always been part of me. Am not the best English language student around, but I enjoy reading for editing purpose only. That shouldn’t come as a surprise, it’s part of the media possibilities that could be explored in the future; God willing.
So, we have hired a new staff at the office. Someone who has taken a lot of strain off my husband’s shoulders. I have nicknamed him a ‘genius’ whether he’s too modest to accept it or not. He’s a software programmer, graduated with a first class in an IT course.I am always challenged when I work with brilliant minds...It keeps my brain working at a fast pace...and I like that!

Owing a laptop is long overdue, so you can understand why I wasn’t particularly excited. I am grateful to my husband for doing that for me. It means my home desktop can take a break for now. I think e better start computer lessons for the kids with that.
Ok, now am muddling everything up together. Actually, not being able to keep my blog updated regularly usually leaves me with so many disjointed thoughts.

Post originally drafted on 12th October,2010

call it blabbing....

If only I can capture the blissful breeze blowing outside now. Besides the rain, a weather like this calms me and gives me the tranquility that doesn’t come often.
Hmmm! “What do I know about men”? That was the question hubby asked me as we were in the middle of a matter that concerned a third party. What a question!
I may not have been around for long, but I sure have been around long enough to know a thing or two about men. They are first and foremost egocentric beings. No apologies there, just stating the fact.
I don’t think I've got the feel I need to write about that subject now. When I eventually do, it won’t be an essay…..it would be a ‘book’!
So I have been trying to re-ignite my passions. I honestly don’t know where to begin, but I’m going to figure it out soon, God willing. I have heard the saying” Jack of all master of none” for as long as I can remember. But I think there may be an exception to that statement. Besides, I think what you do matters. If it’s a completely different thing; you know? Like “diverting” or “diversifying”. If you are still within the same field but different sections/fields, then you can’t call it “Jack of all’. I think branching out completely would call for that saying…
Alright, I know! Maybe am just trying to convince myself that aspiring to do more than one thing is okay.  So I want to be a journalist, a broadcaster, presenter and an editor. Did I mention producer and director? Oh! Yes, an author too. So all these are related one way or the other. So I can certainly ‘do all and be all’, God on my side.
Doing other things has distracted me from doing the things I love and enjoy most like writing for instance. I have brought out past written poems, contests I entered, even letters. I know I get inspired when I read my past writings. But what am giving utmost consideration now is editing. If only I could get a job in editing, no qualifications required. Now how often does that happen?
That was me babbling a week back...
Post originally drafted on 24th October...